Monthly Archives: January 2012

Does the Process of Aging have to include Doctor Visits?

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Changing Goals in Youth and the Process of Aging
    The goal of youth is to learn to live in society. The goal as we age is to learn to debunk the rules we learned that may no longer serve us. Everyone has “unresolved issues” and things that are incomplete in the developmental cycle. If we haven’t faced those issues, the aging process itself will offer some experiences that give us the opportunity for finally transcending them. Of course, aging itself is a developmental opportunity and it is our spiritual task as we age to come to grips with the changes in our minds and bodies.

Going to the Doctors
    This past month I’ve had the opportunity to have conversations with several of my friends and clients who are over 50 and in the “process of aging.” None of us would say we are old; we are simply in that process!  One of the commonalities that I’ve noticed, now that many of us are no longer going to work each day is that we are all spending more time at the doctor’s office – or at multiple doctors’ offices or alternative practitioners. Some are going to oncologists, some cardiologists, gastroenterologists, physical therapists, chiropractors, and acupuncturists. But, the “complaint” is all the same. “It’s no fun getting old.”

Spiritual Lessons
    Because I’ve been writing about the process of aging and the spiritual lessons that it teaches, I couldn’t help but reflect on what lesson these visits are attempting to teach us.  Perhaps it has something to do with self-care? I wonder how many of us who find ourselves in this position really took the proper care of ourselves before this time. Perhaps we were too busy caring for others. Or, we were so busy working and making our mark in the world, that our self-care took a back seat. God helps those who help themselves. Love your neighbor as yourself. Hmm. Could these appointments be a call to greater self-love.

    Yesterday I met a 95-year young woman and asked her the secret to her exuberance and energy even at this age.  “That’s easy, she said. I love myself.”  It’s a point worth pondering.

    I’m certain that as I reflect more on this, I’ll find an even greater understanding of the spiritual principle behind “going to the doctors as we age.” Perhaps you have an insight you can share. Click below on the comment section and let me hear your thoughts on this. We can all grow together.

I hope you dance – The Aging Process as I see it today

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Just Today
I was awakened this morning by a phone call from the nursing home in New York where my 94 year old mother is living. They told me that she was being rushed to the hospital because her blood count was quite low. She hasn’t been eating much lately and my sister and I have kept a watchful and concerned eye on her and asked the doctors to do some tests.

The Aging Process
In the last few months I’ve been thinking a whole lot about aging and of course that includes the process of dying as well. But, I have read too many articles lately on the spirituality of aging that focus on dying rather than living. My mom reminded me of that when I spoke to her. “How are you and what are you doing in a hospital,” I asked. She answered and I could see her smiling, “I’m dancing.”  My mom has always been an awesome dancer. I fancied myself a dancer when I was younger as well. Now that my hips and legs just don’t work the way they used to, I’ve taken to using dance as a major metaphor for living well with whatever life presents at the moment.

What’s your metaphor?
Perhaps it comes from something you no longer do – either because you are unable or because you have simply chosen not to. The past is not something to mourn over and lament that we can no longer do what we once did. That’s what causes struggle and upset in the aging process. The past tells us a lot about what has been important and if it still is important, we can find a way to use the metaphor.

I’d love to hear what you’ve discovered.

In the meantime, pause and ponder the words of the song by Lee Ann Womack



Here are the lyrics:

I Hope You Dance lyrics
Songwriters: Sanders, Mark D.; Sillers, Tia;

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth making

Don’t let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lee-ann-womack-lyrics/i-hope-you-dance-lyrics.html -]

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
(Dance)
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder
(Dance)
Where those years have gone
(Dance)

How do you measure Healthy Aging?

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Years ago, I studied at Columbia University for a doctorate in Adult Learning and
I was shocked to discover that adult development theories stop at 65 and very few of the
theorists even broach the subject of spirituality.  So I decided to take it on.

I’ve since discovered a number of organizations that discuss spirituality, but most of
them talk about spirituality and health or how to cope with dying.  While these are
important topics, I have begun to look at a different approach, and talk about LIVING,
and how the aging process actually helps us to develop ourselves more spiritually.
Have you found that to be true? I’d really love to hear your comments on this.

I recently had a bout with several surgeries – a hip replacement, a broken femur followed by a reopening of
the wounds to clear an infection. It left me immobile for 6 weeks and I mean completely immobile. I was
unable to put any weight on my right side. So, there I was, lying in bed with nothing but time on my hands.
I was in a bit of pain, so a lot of reflection wasn’t really possible. I did, however, ask my inner knowing what
I was to learn during this time. “There’s nowhere to go and nothing to do.” The answer came back loud and
clear.  WOW! Is that ever an important spiritual principle.  We spend so much of our lives DOING and
attempting to accomplish and in the external world, those things are important. But, what is REALLY
important is just BEING. I got to do a lot of that.

Now, that I am home and walking -slowly and carefully, I find myself beginning each day with the mantra,
“No where to go and nothing to do.” No, not literally. But, certainly with that attitude, my life has taken on
a whole new tempo and a lot more peace.

Spirituality or Religion
Spirituality isn’t just one aspect of life; it permeates and is what gives meaning to all of life.
Spirituality is not religion.

I’ve heard it said that more older adults become religious even
when they haven’t been earlier. One comedian said, “It’s because they are cramming for the final exam!”

Spirituality can certainly include religious practices which are supportive but, for me,
it is anything that gets us in touch with the fact that LIFE IS MORE THAN
WHAT it APPEARS to be and that REALITY is not what we SEE, but more
about what we cannot see.  When our eyesight and our hearing seem to get worse,
our insight and our KNOWING actually get stronger. I’m grateful for this and it sure
beats counting grey hairs and wrinkles as a measure of healthy aging.

 To read more ideas about the Spirituality of Aging, Click here for my latest e-book on the subject.

The Aging Process – Growing Old Gracefully

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Aging is defined as “the accumulation of changes in an organism or object over time.” In human beings the aging process refers to physical, psychological, and social changes that are occurring as we get older. Some of these factors will grow over time, while others will decline. Our knowledge of world events and general wisdom may expand while on the other hand, our reaction times may get slower. However, research has proven that there is still the potential of mental, physical, and social growth (as well as development) at a later stage in our lives.

The term “aging” is oftentimes relegated to ambiguity in that it can be used to denote universalaging or probabilistic aging. Universal aging refers to those changes that are common to all of us while we are aging. Probabilistic ageing generally refers to those changes that occur in some of us but is not common among all of us. As an example, some people develop Type II Diabetes while others don’t.

Aging may also be broken down between chronological,social, or biological ageing with chronological aging being the most straightforward definition of the term. Social aging generally refers to the way we act or behave as we grow older, whereas biological aging refers to the physical state of a person (or organism) upon growing older.

On a more technical note, there is also distal or proximal aging as well. Distal aging is used to refer to age-based differences that are traced back to physically altering events in a person’s life, such as polio. Proximal aging refers to age-based differences resulting from some event in the recent past. So as you can see, the term aging has become very ambiguous over time.

For all practical purposes, aging is one of those natural, if not sometimes harsh realities that we will all encounter in our lifetimes. How we handle the process, on the other hand, is another story. One can look at the aging process (somewhat aesthetically) as getting older versus growing older. Despite the fact that science and medicine have come up with a plethora of techniques and products to “hide” the aging process, we still need to realize that time marches on and that you cannot turn back the clock. So how do we differentiate between getting older and growing older?

When you are getting older, it simply means chronologically, or with age. With every second that passes, you are getting older and there is no altering that process. You can have all the face lifts you want or use all the anti-aging creams that you can get your hands on in order to hide the fact that you are getting older, but the harsh reality is that you’ll never be able to alter your age in numbers of hide it physically.

Where getting older takes on a more physical connotation, growing older is relative to mental aging or the level of maturity in which we handle getting older. It’s not only a mentality, it’s an attitude. Ever heard the expression “you’re only as old as you feel”? This is what it refers to — your ability to cope with the aging process from a mental or maturity level, hence the birth of the expression.

Pursuing proper learning regarding this avails us with the ability to cope with the aging process. Maturity relates to certain abilities in a person’s life. Appreciating the simpler things in life, seeing the positive in things rather than the negative, and learning how to interact with others as well as understanding their situation is all a part of the maturity process. But the bottom line is coping and preparing.

Having the proper attitude about getting or growing older, and knowing the difference is what will make the process easier to deal with. Resisting from a physical standpoint will only get more frustrating for you as time passes. The best attitude is to make the best of it and attempt to grow older as gracefully as possible.

 

David R. Michaels

Are you fearful of aging?

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We’re Getting Older
When Social Security first came into being in 1935, our life span was thought to be about 70 years at most.  Now, we have learned so much medically and nutritionally that people are living far longer.  In 1776, someone born in the US was expected to live to about 35. Lifestyle and technical advances have more than doubled that figure.  The National Institute of Aging projects that by the middle of the next century, life expectancy will be nearly 92 for women and 86 for men.

Today, more than 35 million are over the age of 65 (that’s about 1/7 th of the population) and with the baby boomers coming of age, the Census Bureau in the US predicts that the over 70 million born between 1946 and 1964 will reach retirement age.

 

Until recently, ageing was regarded with disdain, with an expectancy of waning vigor and even social uselessness. But the stereotypes are changing and seniors are becoming more and more interested in true-life long learning, healthy lifestyles and political activism. We are truly seeing a population reinventing itself.  In many of our own minds, ageism still exists.

Dr. Robert Butler, in his insightful, ground-breaking best-seller, “Why Survive: Being Old in America” (Harper & Rowe, 1975), defines ageism as:


“. . . a process of systematic stereotyping of and discrimination against people because they are old, just as racism and sexism accomplish this with skin color and gender. Old people are categorized as senile, rigid in thought and manner, old-fashioned in morality and skills . . . Ageism allows the younger generation to see older people as different from themselves; thus they subtly cease to identify with their elders as human beings. . . . Ageism, like all prejudices, influences the self view and behavior of its victims. The elderly tend to adopt negative definitions of themselves and to perpetuate the very stereotypes directed against them, thereby reinforcing society’s beliefs.” (pp 12-13)

Are YOU ANTI-Aging?
Instead of acknowledging aging as a normal, natural process that can and ought
to purify us and help us to continue our spiritual growth, ageism teaches us to
fear our aging process. Society teaches us starting when we are very young to
deny it and as we reach middle age and older, to do all that we can to prevent it.

In fact, there is a whole new longevity field that presents itself as ‘anti-aging.’

Want to learn an alternative way of viewing aging? What if there really were spiritual lessons to learn
through the process? Would you want to know what they are? Click here to find out more