Monthly Archives: June 2009

Midlife Transition & the Real Secret to Success

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Googled ‘secret to success’ and I came up with over 617,000 listings! Some secret! In fact, I know I’ve written more than one article on the subject myself. Yet I’m still learning and still pressing the Universe for answers to the deepest questions, especially those that plague most of us at the midlife transition. Midlife, you know, is that time of life when we transition from doing what we were supposed to do, to doing what we were destined to do . If you are having trouble figuring out what I mean by that, then the midlife transition may not have hit you quite yet. But, be patient! It will!

Now, back to the REAL Secret to Success. After the life-altering experience that I underwent a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to write about something significant that I had learned . . . something that might be of benefit to others. I thought about the biggest obstacle that people (men especially) have to face at midlife. I know that ‘stopper’ very well: self-sufficiency. I also remember the one piece of important advice that almost every entrepreneur I interviewed on my former radio program (The Frazzled Entrepreneur) gave as his or her parting comment: “Get yourself a coach, mentor or adviser!” Seeking the counsel of others is of critical importance to anyone who is in pursuit of success. Yet, in itself, this is not the REAL Secret to Success. What is?

Before I answer that question directly, let me first reiterate the one reason I believe that many people delay the midlife transition unnecessarily and thereby cause themselves so much needless pain. I think that trouble with the midlife transition begins with the mistaken idea that we should know how to handle it. So long as we believe that without assistance we should have what it takes and everything we need to transform ourselves from duty-based to destiny-based decision-making, we will remain self-deceived. In fact, if you take just one step back from that statement, you’ll see the inner contradiction: the word ‘should’ is real give-away that we’re still dealing with a duty-based core values system. When we’re ‘should-ing’ on ourselves, we’re not operating in authenticity. We’re not accepting life on life’s terms. We’re not accepting ourselves just as we are. As a result, and out of fear, we find the need to pretend to be other than the people who we really are. We pretend that we’re capable and adequate, all the while dreading that others might find out the truth: that we’re frauds and that, if you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me at all.

What, then, is the REAL Secret to Success — and the REAL secret to a successful midlife transition as well? Get out your pens and papers (no stone tablets necessary) because here it is: the REAL Secret to Success is humility. Wait! Don’t stop reading yet! It’s true, and I’ll show you why! First, though, I’ll repeat here once again my favorite definition of humility (which I have so far been unable to trace back to its source): ‘seeing yourself as God sees you and acting accordingly.’

Now, I want to share with you the two greatest gifts of humility, and then I want to discuss how to obtain this elusive Secret to Success. The first gift of humility is honesty. In all the 12-step recovery programs, it is an often-stated (and well-demonstrated) fact that people can recover from addiction but only “if they have the capacity to be honest.” The kind of honesty that can lead to healing is only one that is willing to offer the unvarnished truth to one’s self, to one’s fellows, and to one’s God. Humility strips away the need for pretense. When your self-esteem no longer depends on what you think others’ opinions of you may be (and when those opinions no longer matter), then there no longer exist any reasons to hide behind dishonesty of any sort. You’re free to be the exceptional person whom you really are . . . without excuses.

The second gift of humility is courage. Cowardice consists only of giving in to the fear of facing overwhelming consequences. Yet, humility allows you to see yourself with both your limitations and your strengths. Self-acceptance and the honesty that it provides allows you recognize that you’re not a super-hero, you never were a super-hero, and nobody expects you to be a super-hero. You have incredibly valuable gifts that are uniquely yours and the universe stands in need of your courageous generosity. The universe (and the people who inhabit it) are also more than willing to provide you with whatever you need, once you summon the courage to ask. No consequences are truly overwhelming for the humble: they know that life is a gift that’s both given and sustained by a Power greater then themselves. Living life on life’s terms for them is a matter of acceptance, trust, and engagement.

Gaining humility is at once both an inside and an outside job. On one hand, it takes willingness to confront ourselves exactly as we are, without pretense, and it takes a specific commitment to do the work to make that happen. It takes a commitment to yourself, to your future, and to every person who either depends upon you right now, or ever will depend upon you in the future. It takes a commitment to become the person who you were destined to be without complaints or excuses. It means looking yourself in the eye in the mirror and telling yourself that you’ll no longer settle for anything less than everything you deserve.

On the other hand, you can never gain humility by yourself. Notice that, even when you look at yourself in the mirror, the image is distorted. It’s backwards. That’s why you look so strange when you see yourself in a picture or a video. It’s only then that you see yourself as others see you. You need others to reflect back to you the person you cannot see on your own — with all your strengths and your limitations. These people see in you everything that escapes you. They know (and very often play along with) your dishonesties. They silently step in when they see that you’re shrinking back out of fear. They know the truth about you even when you’re ignorant of it. These mirrors of your soul give you the gift that you desperately need: perspective. And, it’s not only those who like you who are your friends; the people who dislike you, who are your fiercest critics, are your best friends. They are the people who’ll show you things about yourself that even your ‘best friend’ won’t tell you. Listen to them: all of them.

You’re probably very familiar with the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you change one word, you’ll discover the Humility Prayer: “God, grant me the humility to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” What does that tell you? Only that, humility and serenity are interchangeable. If you want serenity, seek humility. Seek it in the eyes, the words and the deeds of those around you. Because, once you’ve found it and embraced it, you’ll discover that you’ve found integrity and courage as well. If that isn’t ‘success’, I don’t know what is. How’s that for the REAL Secret to Success?
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown

“Making Time for the Things You Love” Ali Brown

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Keeping up with business and social engagements sometimes means sacrificing our personal hobbies and relaxation time. But making time for ourselves, even on a busy day, can and will help us feel better and function better. Although it’s admirable to spend time taking care of work, friends, family, and pets, it’s even more important to spend time taking care of ourselves.

Here’s how to carve out time for yourself and the things you love.

*Learn to say no. As women, we’re often guilted into taking on extra work or attending meetings or events that don’t interest us because we’re too nice to say no. However, you need to practice saying no so that you can clear some time to yourself and say yes to the things that you want to do. There’s no shame in skipping a committee meeting every now and then so you can get a massage. Or RSVPing no to a networking event if you really need a quiet evening of rest and relaxation.

*Don’t forget family time. Family time can be converted into relaxation and bonding time together simply by selecting an activity the whole family can enjoy. Relationships can get a new lease on life too, if both partners decide to pursue a hobby or chosen form of relaxation together.

*Incorporate your interests into your vacation. Don’t be afraid to take time off! You’ve earned it, plus it’s a chance to follow through on hobbies and interests that might not fit into your regular routine. It doesn’t matter if the vacation is with family or friends; it’s about selecting opportunities that work for everyone – say, diving for you, lying on the beach for Jane, and bar hopping for John.

*Identify what makes you happy. Over time, our lives change – we pursue different careers, get married, have kids. Often we lose sight of what used to make us glow. Spend time remembering those magical moments and then commit a few hours each week to rekindling them. Ensure that you have a specific project in mind, because that eases up on the time it takes to get the project going. Saying “I want to write” is too ambiguous. Saying “I want to write a memoir about traveling to Japan” will give you more direction and focus.

It doesn’t matter how much time you’re able to spend each time on your personal project. The important thing is that you commit to doing it regularly and frequently so that it becomes a habit. Realize that once you’ve found the things you love to do, whether that’s swing dancing, cooking Indian curries, or making pottery, you need to hold onto them and never give them up.

You may have to change your daily schedule or work and social commitments to fit in this extra time. But doing so will be beneficial in the long run, because the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment you get from pursuing your passions will make you a happier and more productive person.

© 2009 Ali International, LLC
Self-made multimillionaire entrepreneur Ali Brown is devoted to creating financial freedom for women globally through the power of entrepreneurship. To learn how to create wealth and live an extraordinary life now, register for her free weekly articles at www.AliBrown.com

Busting Loose From the Business Game – great new book

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I’m writing today with some important news and to let you
know about a window of opportunity that’s opening this
week.

Are you struggling in your business or career right now –
as an owner or employee (or maybe temporarily unemployed)?

Are you doing well or “OK” but you want to do better?

Are you doing well or OK, but you’re not having as much
fun, satisfaction, or ease as you’d like in your business
or career?

If you answered “Yes” to any (or all) of the questions
above, it’s not your fault!

The problem is, you’ve been playing The “Old” Business
Game. You were taught the rules and you’ve been following
them faithfully. You were taught if you play The Old
Business Game “the right way,” you’ll win, and be happy,
wealthy, successful, etc.

However, what you were taught about playing and winning The
Old Business Game wasn’t The Truth, most of which was
cleverly hidden from you.

You can’t win The Old Business Game — if you play the way
you were taught. That particular Game was designed to be
un-winnable, for reasons you can soon discover.

The only way to truly win in business (as an owner or
employee) is to bust loose from The Old Business Game
entirely, and start playing “The New Business Game,” a
radically different game that will surprise and delight
you.

I just released a new book that reveals The Truth about
business, shows you how to bust loose from The Old
Business Game, and start playing The New Business Game. The
book is called “Busting Loose From The Business Game.”

If this resonates with you and you choose to order one or
more copies — this week — as part of my initial book
launch promotion, I’ll provide my personal support to
help you get maximum benefit from what you discover in the
book. To get the details, click on the following link:

Do you know anyone else who’s struggling in business right
now? Please pass this email along to them too!

Be well …

- Robert

A Tribute to Michael Jackson – by Deepak Chopra

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Michael Jackson will be remembered, most likely, as a shattered icon, a pop genius who wound up a mutant of fame. That’s not who I will remember, however. His mixture of mystery, isolation, indulgence, overwhelming global fame, and personal loneliness was intimately known to me. For twenty years I observed every aspect, and as easy as it was to love Michael — and to want to protect him — his sudden death yesterday seemed almost fated.

Two days previously he had called me in an upbeat, excited mood. The voice message said, “I’ve got some really good news to share with you.” He was writing a song about the environment, and he wanted me to help informally with the lyrics, as we had done several times before. When I tried to return his call, however, the number was disconnected. (Terminally spooked by his treatment in the press, he changed his phone number often.) So I never got to talk to him, and the music demo he sent me lies on my bedside table as a poignant symbol of an unfinished life.

When we first met, around 1988, I was struck by the combination of charisma and woundedness that surrounded Michael. He would be swarmed by crowds at an airport, perform an exhausting show for three hours, and then sit backstage afterward, as we did one night in Bucharest, drinking bottled water, glancing over some Sufi poetry as I walked into the room, and wanting to meditate.

That person, whom I considered (at the risk of ridicule) very pure, still survived — he was reading the poems of Rabindranath Tagore when we talked the last time, two weeks ago. Michael exemplified the paradox of many famous performers, being essentially shy, an introvert who would come to my house and spend most of the evening sitting by himself in a corner with his small children. I never saw less than a loving father when they were together (and wonder now, as anyone close to him would, what will happen to them in the aftermath).

Michael’s reluctance to grow up was another part of the paradox. My children adored him, and in return he responded in a childlike way. He declared often, as former child stars do, that he was robbed of his childhood. Considering the monstrously exaggerated value our society places on celebrity, which was showered on Michael without stint, the public was callous to his very real personal pain. It became another tawdry piece of the tabloid Jacko, pictured as a weird changeling and as something far more sinister.

It’s not my place to comment on the troubles Michael fell heir to from the past and then amplified by his misguided choices in life. He was surrounded by enablers, including a shameful plethora of M.D.s in Los Angeles and elsewhere who supplied him with prescription drugs. As many times as he would candidly confess that he had a problem, the conversation always ended with a deflection and denial. As I write this paragraph, the reports of drug abuse are spreading across the cable news channels. The instant I heard of his death this afternoon, I had a sinking feeling that prescription drugs would play a key part.

The closest we ever became, perhaps, was when Michael needed a book to sell primarily as a concert souvenir. It would contain pictures for his fans but there would also be a text consisting of short fables. I sat with him for hours while he dreamily wove Aesop-like tales about animals, mixed with words about music and his love of all things musical. This project became Dancing the Dream after I pulled the text together for him, acting strictly as a friend. It was this time together that convinced me of the modus vivendi Michael had devised for himself: to counter the tidal wave of stress that accompanies mega-stardom, he built a private retreat in a fantasy world where pink clouds veiled inner anguish and Peter Pan was a hero, not a pathology.

This compromise with reality gradually became unsustainable. He went to strange lengths to preserve it. Unbounded privilege became another toxic force in his undoing. What began as idiosyncrasy, shyness, and vulnerability was ravaged by obsessions over health, paranoia over security, and an isolation that grew more and more unhealthy. When Michael passed me the music for that last song, the one sitting by my bedside waiting for the right words, the procedure for getting the CD to me rivaled a CIA covert operation in its secrecy.

My memory of Michael Jackson will be as complex and confused as anyone’s. His closest friends will close ranks and try to do everything in their power to insure that the good lives after him. Will we be successful in rescuing him after so many years of media distortion? No one can say. I only wanted to put some details on the record in his behalf. My son Gotham traveled with Michael as a roadie on his “Dangerous” tour when he was seventeen. Will it matter that Michael behaved with discipline and impeccable manners around my son? (It sends a shiver to recall something he told Gotham: “I don’t want to go out like Marlon Brando. I want to go out like Elvis.” Both icons were obsessions of this icon.)

His children’s nanny and surrogate mother, Grace Rwaramba , is like another daughter to me. I introduced her to Michael when she was eighteen, a beautiful, heartwarming girl from Rwanda who is now grown up. She kept an eye on him for me and would call me whenever he was down or running too close to the edge. How heartbreaking for Grace that no one’s protective instincts and genuine love could avert this tragic day. An hour ago she was sobbing on the telephone from London. As a result, I couldn’t help but write this brief remembrance in sadness. But when the shock subsides and a thousand public voices recount Michael’s brilliant, joyous, embattled, enigmatic, bizarre trajectory, I hope the word “joyous” is the one that will rise from the ashes and shine as he once did.

The Midlife Transition – No more resistance

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Resistance at Work

If you are resisting success it’s probably not obvious to you because resistance is an inner process. It’s part of a mindset that is rooted in the subconscious.

However, if you are not achieving the thing you say you want, are working too hard at it, or not enjoying the process, resistance is at work. Others signs of resistance include procrastination, ambivalence, overworking, overeating, multitasking, being late, missing appointments and waiting.

The Reason for Resistance

The reason for resistance is the same whether it has to do with stepping into the next level of business, income, relationships or any other aspect of your life. Something within you is in conflict. If it is within you, it will show up in the the outer world and in the quality of your life.

Inner conflict is ultimately between your true desires and false beliefs.

Desires on the one hand are a divinely brilliant aspect of human nature – they come with us. They are the life force within us seeking new expression. They lead us to our purpose and the expression of our innate gifts. And they are filled with the energy of success.

False beliefs on the other hand are simply that, false. They are insidious and tend to remain outside our awareness – as a result they show up as “the way things are.”

False Beliefs are the voice of lack and limitation and have the intention of maintaining the status quo. A universal false belief is “I’m not good enough.” Or “You have to work hard to make money.”

You Can Move Beyond Resistance

You can move beyond resistance and shift into a new mindset and a new way of being.

Becoming aware of resistance is key and the first step in moving beyond it. You might notice any of the signs in the second paragraph above.

Get into the habit of identifying these signs and others as symptoms of resistance. Take a Conscious Breath and lightheartedly say to yourself, “Ah, here is resistance showing up again.

Simple awareness of resistance defuses its power and loosens its hold on you. It also gives you space to stop the self sabotaging action or behavior and choose something different.

Rather than unconsciously reacting from a false belief, you can consciously energize and act on your true desire.

Step into Your Greatness with Awareness

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Reggie_Odom

Want to move beyond resistance in just one week? Try the fear to faith process – being taught tonight by Dr. Toni at http://www.themidlifemakeover.com
JOIN US

Marketing to Baby Boomers

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There’s so much that we can learn about marketing to the large population of baby boomers out there. I’ve come across several great articles that I’d like to share here.

The first is an article by Jim Gilmartin that talks about the way that older adults minds process information and how that differs from younger adults. Of course, the marketing strategy has got to change to match that thought process.

The second is a book that I am finally getting around to: It’s called “Dot Boom: Marketing to Baby Boomers Through Meaningful Online Engagement”

Here’s what you will find in the book:

A very compelling argument for marketing to Boomers using online strategies (think Web 2.0)
A method for attracting older consumers which doesn’t discount the younger ones
The keys to getting true brand loyalty from a boomer consumer
Some of the best practices in targeting Boomers – again, especially online
How to fully engage the consumer – an important word for boomers.
Some new ideas for media planning that involves groups of boomers.
Gilmartin’s article discusses eight progressive changes used by the older mind in processing information. In short, he talks about what marketers have been telling us for years. People are attracted by logic, but buy based on emotion. The baby boomer population loves to use intuition and is more adept at it than ever.

Emotionally based first impressions are more important than ever. “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” is even more important to older adults today.
We hear it a lot in internet marketing circles — but, it is especially true for boomers -.Content is king. Provide it willingly,and in massive detail.
Be complete – don’t leave out anything.
More resistant to absolutes Hype just doesn’t cut it with boomers.
Boomers look for meanings, nuances and subtleties. It is important to emphasize values rather than just generic usefulness. Boomers tend to like pictures as well!
Tell stories. Boomers like experience – so narratives and vignettes speak more loudly than prose content. Give examples, use testimonials. Storytelling has always been important to people – and has now become an even more important part of market strategy.
Body, Mind, Spirit – wholistic thinking prevails. Marketing to one facet of a person or product has less appeal than those which cater to the interests of the “whole” person.
Effective communication has always been key in marketing. Understanding how a baby boomer’s mind processes information is key. When creating an ad, TV or radio spot, web site or sales presentation you must first connect with a baby boomer’s idealized image of self. Tell stories, use testimonials and examples of how other boomers were helped by using your services. Engage the customer in every possible way.