Monthly Archives: April 2009

Choosing a Spiritual Path – Part of the Midlife Transition

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I read sometime back about an architect who designed and built an office ‘campus’ complex. He did not put in any sidewalks, or footpaths between the buildings. He just planted grass and waited with patience. After a few months there were well trodden paths between all of the buildings, which he used as the map for his footpaths and sidewalks.

While this may seem clever -Many of us create our life Paths just this way. We wait to see where others have walked successfully or just wait to see where our partner is going or wherever life takes us rather than directing where we want to go.

It’s in midlife that we have a real opportunity to make new choices. Being sure we are on a well planned spiritual path can prove to be one of the most important choices we make.

My favorite philosopher – the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland once said – “If you don’t know where you are going, any which road will take you there.”

Another great philosopher – Yogi Berra If you don’t know where you’re going, you will wind up somewhere else.

When it comes to choosing a spiritual path – let us hope we know where we are heading – our ultimate goal is the goal of every religion and of every mystical path – to know and to EXPERIENCE the Presence of God as US – to experience our ONENESS with the Divine.

What does your life wish to become? What dreams have you had and perhaps abandoned? What did you once say you wanted to do with your life? And – are you doing it? If not – why not?

What about your spiritual life? What does that wish to become? Where are you on your spiritual journey?

Have you ever actually made a commitment to the PATH of knowing God and experiencing that mystic oneness? What choices have you made since then. Everything is a choice you know.

James Thurber once said, “All men should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.”

We need to find our Path – the inside path and outside path Spiritual Path we wish to follow -let yourself walk — REALLY COMMIT!

Some of us are spiritual dilettantes or dabblers – We jump from path to path – and take the spiritual life as a smorgasbord – trying out different things but never really feasting on any one dish.

Jung talked about the Underground stream – we have to stay long enough and dig far enough – and ANY ROAD will take us there – All paths lead to God – because God is all there is – Make a choice and stick with it.

You’ve probably all heard — People are divided into three groups: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, those who ask, “What happened?” Which group are you in? How committed are you to your Spiritual PATH?

One more choice. The Law has been powerfully taught through the centuries. The more you read from different authors, the clearer it gets. Of course, you have to practice what they say. I’d like to share something I found that is amazing. In fact I wrote an award winning book about it. You can see more about it by going to http://www.reallywantsyou.com.

Dr. Toni LaMotta, keynote speaker, best-selling author and supporter of those in midlife.

Jane Seymour, Dr. Quinn makes a Midlife Transition

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Actress Jane Seymour, age 55, has made an amazing midlife transition. She found her passion outside of what had been her normal routine and is an example to us all. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, worked her way through what could have been a midlife crisis by discovering art as a therapy. She chose to paint her way out of her troubles rather than seeking help of a psychotherapist, or resorting to drugs or alcohol as many actors and actresses have done. She now actually makes more money as an artist than as an actress. She is now actually selling limited addition handbags based on her paintings, many which reflect the changes she feels she is going through in midlife.
The Difference between Europe and America

She comes from a Dutch heritage and reflects what many say is a difference in the aging process between Europeans and Americans. European women, especially, have a different attitude than women in the states. Women in Europe seem more comfortable with their age. Not as many are concerned about outward appearance. Plastic surgery is certainly used less often. They don’t seem to care to look like they are 35 when they are actually 55. Their embrace of their age seems to exude a special sensuality which comes from the freedom of having been there before and applied ‘all the tricks’. She has clearly expressed a feeling that somewhere ‘in-between’ is good. It certainly isn’t appropriate to let yourself get frumpy or go to ‘rack and ruin’, There is a happy medium.

What About YOU?
I was delighted when I recently saw Jane being interviewed and couldn’t help but wanting to share her story, since it is such a wonderful tribute to the midlife transition. Many of us have talents we haven’t fully expressed and midlife is the time to unleash and uncover them. Who knows, you may be the next great singing discovery or artist. What are you doing to find YOUR passion in midllife?
Are you clear about what you want for the second half of your life? I would like to offer a support system to help you find your own wisdom in Midlife. When you subscribe to my free Reinvent Midlife newsletter, you’ll receive instant access to a special report called, “7 Secrets for Reinventing Midlife from the Inside-Out”. Go now to http://www.reinventmidlife.com

From Dr. Toni LaMotta,The Midlife Mentor, Inspirational Keynote Speaker,Best-Selling Author of “What You REALLY Want, Wants You”

The One Problem That Holds You Back

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This is one of the BEST books I’ve ever read — I’m on the third time through!!
Dr. Toni

*** Book Excerpt: The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level – By Gay Hendricks ***

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I call it the Upper Limit Problem, and I haven’t met a person yet who didn’t suffer at least a little bit from it. Even if you’re already extravagantly successful, I can promise you that your own version of the Upper Limit Problem is still holding you back from achieving your true potential. In fact, the more successful you get, the more urgent it becomes to identify and overcome your Upper Limit Problem. If you don’t clear the Upper Limit Problem out of your way, it will be a drag on you until the day you die. I know those words may sound blunt, but if our positions were reversed, I’d want you to be just that blunt with me.

I’ve taken the risk of speaking that bluntly to many people who were already quite successful. I did so not because they were paying me a consulting fee, but because it is part of my life’s mission to help people go the last distance to claim their full potential. Michael Dell, founder of Dell Computer and one of the youngest self-made billionaires in history, is among the most brilliant people I’ve ever met. I had the pleasure of doing executive coaching with him and other members of his team during the nineties, at a time when the company was beginning to grow by leaps and bounds. The quality I most appreciate about Michael is his openness to learning. Many high-level executives I’ve known are saddled with an equally high degree of defensiveness and a deep need to be right all the time. Not Michael. He doesn’t put on the brakes when new learning is coming at him. He doesn’t have the tendency, shared by many CEOs, to resist change and do more of what obviously isn’t working. Michael embraces every opportunity to grow, and his remarkable success is testimony to the power of that point of view. That’s the kind of openness to learning I’d like you to bring to our explorations together in this book. Michael Dell wasn’t born with his gift. None of us is. To get to that level of undefended openness to learning, we have to practice as diligently as a master skier or a master cellist. To make the kind of leaps Michael Dell makes, we must practice a specific skill. That skill is to identify and transcend our Upper Limit, wherever and whenever we encounter it.

We will hone this skill ceaselessly throughout the book. As Michael and others now know, the Upper Limit Problem is the only problem we need to solve. They dedicated themselves to solving it and made the Big Leap. The results speak for themselves. Along the path to the Zone of Genius, all of them learned the same life-changing secret you will learn in this book: the glass ceiling they were operating under is held in place by a single problem — a barrier they didn’t know they had. Once they saw the one problem — and how to solve it — they were free to go beyond ordinary success to a new and extraordinary level of abundance, love, and creativity in their lives. Once you understand the one problem and how to solve it, you can do far more than increase your net financial worth; you can make quantum shifts in the amount of love you feel and the amount of creativity you express. I mention this point because I’ve learned that it is essential to keep the heart-and-soul elements of life — such as love and creativity — growing in balance as you go to higher levels of material success. It makes no sense to take your Big Leap into greater financial success in such a way that it destroys your relationships, your inner sense of yourself, and your connection to your inner wellspring of creativity. Many people have made that error, and the result is never pleasant to behold. Life is at its best when love, money, and creativity are growing in harmony.

In this book I want to talk to you directly, just as if you were sitting across from me, one-on-one. I may not know you personally, but based on my years of consulting, I believe I know a great deal about you. I imagine that you sense a huge unrealized potential in yourself, an extraordinary level of success you know you can achieve. I also imagine that you worry about falling short of achieving the ultimate success you can see, taste, and smell. If you feel that way, you’re on the threshold of perhaps the greatest opportunity of your life. You’re about to make a discovery that will remove the barrier between you and your ultimate success. I can make that promise to you because long before I helped other people enhance their own abundance, love, and creativity, I was my own best customer. From the moment of discovery until now, I have used the method I describe in this book to make all my own wishes and dreams come true.

Buy it NOW by going to http://tinyurl.com/thebigleap

Enjoying Your Age – Appreciating What is in Midlife

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From Daily Om…

In each stage of life, there are wonderful experiences one can savor and valuable insights one can absorb. Every new decade and, in fact, every new year brings with it wisdom, transformation, and growth, as well as ends and beginnings. Many people, however, believe that there is one age that eclipses the others. They expend energy trying to reach it and, once it has passed, trying to retain it. But wishing to be younger or older is a denial of the joys that have been and the joys yet to be, as well as the beauty of your life in the present. Holding on to one age can make it difficult to appreciate each new milestone you reach. Taking pleasure in the delights of your age, whether you are in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or 80s, can help you see the magnificence and usefulness of the complex seasons of your life.

Each new year gifted to us by the universe is replete with exciting and unfamiliar experiences. In our 20s, we can embrace the energy of youth and the learning process, knowing it’s okay to not have all the answers. As we move through our third decade, we grow more self-assured as the confusion of our young adulthood melts away. We can honor these years by putting aside our fears of aging and concentrating instead on solidifying our values and enjoying our growing emotional maturity. In our 40s, we become conscious of the wisdom we have attained through life experience and are blessed with the ability to put it to good use. We are not afraid to explore unfamiliar territory or to change. In our 50s, we tend to have successfully navigated our midlife reevaluations and have prioritized our lives. In the decades beyond, we discover a greater sense of freedom than we have ever known and can truly enjoy the memory of all we’ve seen and done.

Try to enjoy the age you are at now, for each age presents its own unique wisdom to savor.

Midlife Transition Message from Nature & Trees

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One of the most profound spiritual teachers in life is Nature itself. Being in nature can bring calmness and centeredness and a relaxation found no where else. But nature can be an amazing mirror, inspiring and teaching us. When you learn to look closely, you’ll recognize that the patterns in our lives mimic the patterns of the natural world. This similarity can be found by studying atoms, or looking at plants. It can especially be seen in animals and planets. The principles by which we live our lives is the same as the mountains, the clouds, the trees, and the winged creatures. There are many lessons to be learned from the natural world.

Take, for example, trees, which are vital to much of the life on earth. Forests cover almost one third of the our planet’s. They supply fresh water which helps protect, sustain and improve our lives. They purify the air by converting carbon dioxide, minerals, water, and sunlight into nutrients and oxygen. The ‘so called’ waste from the trees support many plants, insects, and other organisms by providing shade and moisture. And, a wide variety of reptiles, birds, and mammals are given a home.

There are many life lessons that those of us in midlife can learn from trees:

1. Be flexible.
When trees learn to bend with a slight breeze, they often grow to withstand higher winds. Similarly, as we move through what sometimes seems to be the crisis of midlife, being flexible in our attitudes and viewpoints can help us weather any storm. I love the attitude of ‘so what’ that I’ve learned to experience in life.

2. Value the little things.
Even though they can be small, leaves are vital to the life of a tree. We cannot get through life and be truly healthy, without the little signs expressions of encouragement and appreciation. If you haven’t yet developed the habit, start today to find people to say “Thank You” to. When you live in an attitude of gratitude about the little things in life, life gives you more to be grateful for.

3. Do not be afraid to start small.
Mighty oaks have grown from little acorns. I have found that many people in midlife can get impatient. They want to see how the story ends! But, every little step takes us closer to our goals.

4. Do not be afraid of change.
Even in Florida where I now live, nature has its seasons. The lawn may look dead in winter, but it comes alive again once spring is here. To reinvent yourself, you often have to let things past be past in order for the newness to emerge.

5. Allow Yourself to Be Supported.
In forests, individual trees support one another. I once heard that even the giant Sequoia growing by itself could be blown over – but, it learns to interlock its roots with other trees and can thus stand as a grove against any wind. How much do you allow those around you to support you? In Midlife, we often think we should have it together and not need support. It’s one of the worse mistakes you can make.

6. Be the Giver.
Trees often provide an environment that supports the growth of many other life forms. Psychologists tell us that as we age, it is natural to become more generative. This is the time to GIVE more than ever. I have found that people in midlife have a deep desire to make a difference and to find ways to give.

7. Get Clear On Your Values.
Trees have extensive root systems. Some trees even grow taproots that are often larger than the trunk and that can extend down into the ground hundreds of feet. When we are at a transition point, such as midlife, it is vitally important to have a clear understanding of the principles and values that guide our life decisions. Do you know yours?

Joyce Kilmer once put it well (“I think that I shall never see (A poem lovely as a tree.”)) Trees have a lot to teach us about ourselves and the transition we call midlife.

in honor of Erma Bombeck – Doing Midlife Differently

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IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER – by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t
there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was
practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, ‘Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.’ There would have been more ‘I love you’s’ More ‘I’m sorry’s.’

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. look at it and really see it…… live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL
STUFF!!!

Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.
Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us!